Introverted

When it comes to feelings and things that mean alot to me.
Ive always had to hide my true feelings, and develop a tough skin.
But letting down these walls is very...difficult to say the least.
It takes a lot to say how i truely feel as i never want to upset or annoy someone else,
when i feel i should just deal with it myself.
I think im just coming to realise this.
You let me know that my feelings are important and nothing too small that bothers me should be voiced.
Im learning alot, with you and about myself.
Im trying to let my walls down, where no one else has ventured before...
But like i said, its difficult.

A Big Day Out

Yeah i used to really enjoy going out, festivals and all that mischief.
I am excited to go to Big Day Out, as it is a festival i am yet to attend.
But at the same time, there is a feeling in me that has grown out of all of this.
Because i always know in the back of my head, how fun it is just to be with him...
I feel bad for being away from him, and i know that he hates me being out of Canberra without him.
But he needs to know that, even though im out of state, with my friends, seeming to have a good time, your always in the back of my mind.
I wish sometimes that im able to share these moments with you, but i completely understand why you will never step foot into it.
I feel like im getting old haha.
But i like it, odd festival here and there but theres no other place id rather be than is with you.
Im fucking cheesy, but i have a whole new perspective on my priorities and whats most important is you and me and no one else. Because in the end your my best friend, my boyfriend and snuggle buddy all in one.
You need to know this because, for one im not good at saying these things, and two i feel when i inform you that the time is soon that im going, you seem a little disappointed.
Im just trying to tell you that your very important to me, and i dont want this to be something to interfere with us being together.

I Wanna Feel...

...Connected
Things may be more relaxed now that we are comfortable with each other, you dont need to make as much effort as you used to and have to try to entertain me.
But there is a lack of something these days, the feeling of passion, the cheesey makeout sesh, fun little things that make relationships more spontaneous and less serious, where we can forget about everything else just for a little while.
Although saying this im still happy to be the person you talk to, and im more than happy to listen to you.
I just dont want to give the impression that im a kid and i that im lame like that. But hey im 20 i still have a lot to experience and i dont want to exactly act 26 right now.
I want to experience adult things with you, but still want to have some fun with you and not have to be so serious all the time.
I feel like im expected to grow up straight away, but you need to know im still yet to have a full time job, move out of home, travel overseas, be able to save proper money.
Im not too sure what you want from me or what is expected.
But all i can give you is me, my love and my support.
I wish i had more to give you, but im still young with nothing for anyone.
Not even myself.

Goal Kicker

This year i plan to:
- Lose weight and get fit and maintain a healthy lifestyle
- Save more, stop spending up big on crap... only buy online ;)
- Do well at Tafe
- Take more time for myself
- Allocate enough time to see Richard and Friends
- Have fun!
- Work as much as i can handle
- Find more time to clean
- Finish my books list
- Fix Richard's clothes
- Fix my clothes
- Do some sewing projects
- Experiment with making fake cakes